Busy week for me. My return from Atlanta was uneventful. And sad. I wish I could have stayed longer with Wendy.
My tattoo is infected. It's a Puss-y Pussy Kat. On Thursday I got a prescription antibiotic lotion. On Friday I got oral antibiotics. The tattoo is crusty green, red, painful. My other two pieces NEVER got like this. Saturday night I almost passed out cleaning the thing. YUCK. I'd post a picture, but it would make you puke.
I visited Chicago Sunday and today to check in on my big loser buddy, Mark. The guy's too hard on himself. Open RNY 5 days ago and he thinks he should be dancing around in pumps. But he looks GREAT and his incision is really, really clean.
Dagny and I had a long chat last night while Mark was sleeping. Good conversation. Rather enlightening for me. She's in love with her new body; I'm not in love with mine. She can think of tons of things she likes about herself. I can think of a lot...they all are just followed with a "but". And that made me realize that I just don't even see me as I am now.
When I close my eyes, the person I see is the fat Jen from 8 months ago. And even if I "see" my new face, there's always an aura of "fat" around it. A shadow. Any time I look in a mirror in my bathroom, at work, in a dressing room, I cannot see the real me. But last night, looking at myself in the mirror in Mark's retro pink bathroom, who I saw looking back at me was the me I am now. It was the new me. That happened last weekend when I was at Wendy's too. It's like I can only see me reflected in other people's mirrors. I want to see the new me in my head.
The next time you visit I will give you a mirror we will say I am loaning you so it will remain mine. Then you will always have someone else's mirror to look in and see your true self.
ReplyDeleteI've had similar experiences. I don't know why it sometimes takes a different mirror, but I do find myself looking at myself more b/c I like seeing the new me instead of the old me. You'll get there!
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