Now what?

I feel like it's mid-afternoon on Christmas Day. Gifts opened. Instructions read. Everything assembled. I got everything I wanted and more. Now what?

There's been so much anticipation around my discharge from treatment, so much wonder about what it would be like, so much worry about coping, planning, eating. Blah, blah, blah. And here I sit, knee deep in the day two, and--all things considered--doing quite well.

I wish I knew how I was doing it. I think it's constant reflection, redirection. Repeating over and over: THIS IS MY LIFE.

Seriously. What did I expect? Well. Anxiety. Fear. Happiness. Sadness. I guess that's what I've got. This is how one might feel when one experiences change. And I am managing change right now better than I have in the past two years. Sure, not perfectly. But I'm figuring out ways to manage minute by minute.

I just need to shake the feeling that I need to DO something. What do I do next? When can I get started? SLOW DOWN. Hang out in the present. Enjoy it for the freedom it offers. Be happy...it's Just Jen. And that's who I've been waiting for.