Buzzed

My mind is fuzzy, I can't concentrate and I have a nagging, low-grade headache. I'm weighing whether these side effects are worse than the ones I was treating with the drugs that are causing them.

For the past few weeks I've been having panic attacks. I went through this a few years ago when I was taking care of my friend Lainey during her last month. Same choking sensation, same chest-exploding pain, same stomach-clenching fear.

I got some drugs from my primary doctor, careful to get ones that aren't continuous release. But I feel so stoned. I wouldn't know if I was having another panic attack even if red lights started flashing and alarms sounded. I left work today because I simply couldn't concentrate.

I know enough about myself to realize when it's time to get help. Drugs were the first step. I'm going back to counseling. I think that the attacks are a physical manifestation of my inability to deal with something. I'm at least past the point of trying to eat through these times. I guess being stoned on paxil and xanax is a fair trade off for the time being.