Waaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!

I have a cold. I've been whining about it to anyone that will listen. My head is buzzing and my nose is running. The post nasal drip is making me nauseous. What a way to spend a vacation!

I know I'm being a big baby. This is the first time I've felt under the weather since my WLS. I'm thinking that because I've been feeling so good for the past four months, this cold is a shock to my body and my head. I must feel that much worse because I've been feeling so damn good!

Baldy

I've had thinning hair for the past few years. And now my greatest WLS fear is coming true. I'm losing my hair at a rate faster than it's growing back.

I had a feeling it would happen. I've always been susetible to stress-related hair loss and I'm sure my body is reacting to the bad nutrition from months ago.

So I'm using some kind of special shampoo/conditioner/scalp treatment. And I'm planning what scarf/turban/hat I'm going to wear if it gets really bad. There's always the option of borrowing my neices' wigs. I'd be cute as a pinkie, huh?

Oh well. If the worst thing that happens from my WLS is thinner hair for a couple of months, I can deal with it.

Fa La La La Loser

Christmas has always been about food for me. As a kid, I'd look forward to the angel food candy at my Grandma Schmidt's house. And my Aunt Betts had the best Mexican Wedding Cakes. My mom made awesome Spritz cookies. And when we went to my Grandma Toot's house, my brother and I would play in the basement so we could raid the stash of Christmas cookies she kept in the extra refrigerator and above the washing machine.

This pic is probably from 1972. I was 5. I loved that purple dress.

I think this year is the first time I didn't gain weight during the holiday. I did taste a cookie and a peanut butter ball. But while everyone snacked on sweets, I relished gourmet cheeses. I took along the food that I knew I'd most enjoy and that would be the best choice for me.

December 26th marked four months since my surgery. My dad hadn't seen me since the beginning of November. He was a little suprised by how much I had changed.

My mom got a new digital camera, so I had her take a picture of me in front of the fridge for my official 4-month snapshot. Here's how I'm looking today. The "before" photo was taken in June at my highest weight.

When I see pictures of myself side by side, the weightloss is really obvious. It's easier to understand why my family is freaking out about how different I'm looking.

Whozzat Girl?

I think some of the most important moments I've had since my RNY have been the ones reflected in the eyes of other people.

I saw my 14-year-old niece, Nikkole, for the first time this weekend since my surgery. She did the cartoon eye-pop thing and then gave me a huge hug. And she whispered in my ear, "Aunt Jen, you look GOOD!"

My brother was with her. He saw me at Thanksgiving and couldn't get over how much I had changed since then.

Saturday was my company Christmas party. And over and over, I'd approach people I hadn't seen in awhile and their eyes would seem to open wider before I'd get the "wow" comment.

Not long ago, I would shrink away from really seeing how I looked in the eyes of others. But now I find it so affirming. The last time I lost a lot of weight, I didn't trust their reaction. What? You thought I was a fat ugly cow before? Maybe they did. But I couldn't take the compliments for what they were worth.

I guess that experience taught me that people may have been shallow enough in the beginning (or maybe never cared enough to notice how I looked). But if they say something nice, they probably mean it.

Bring on the applause and compliments. I'm beginning to feel like I'm worth it.

Something to write home about

It's Friday and that means casual day at work. I'm wearing my cute little size 24 jeans that are approaching "too big"--it's probably going to be the last week or so of wearing them. My 22s are feeling pretty good--just not as great as they could when I sit down.

So at 6:35 am, I jumpd on the scale wearing undergarments, my jeans and a nice form-fitting long-sleeve T...and the scale said 238.5. TWICE.

Let's review...the last time I weighed this amount had to be my senior year in college in the fall. That would have been 1988. 18 years ago. My highest weight ever was 332 in 1996. I'm down almost 100 pounds from then. I'm down 79 pounds from my liquid diet start date. That's the total weight of my 7 year old and 4 year old nieces combined. It's probably what I weighed at age 4.

I tried on my "fat pants" last week--the ones I wore just before surgery. Size 30/32. I could have fit my friend Dyan's little boy Connor in there with me.

I feel so different about my body these days. I wear makeup nearly every day. Not anything glam. Just enough to make my skin look smooth. I like the way my boobs, even though they are shrinking, now overshadow my stomach. I like how my neck looks and my wrists look and how my ankles look like a normal person's ankles. I can even tolerate the cottage cheese tummy, the flappy wings under my arms and the melting armpit flesh. With my clothes on, I think I look pretty normal.

The last time I had lost a lot of weight in 1996, I didn't feel this good about myself. It was a real shock to have the pounds come off and get used to a new body. But it feels so different this time. Maybe because I knew what it would be like? I suppose it doesn't matter. I'm shrinking and that's what counts.

Rubber Stamping

Yeah, I do rubber stamping. I feel like I need to apologize to when I say that I enjoy it. It's a hobby that's so not the persona I wish I was. But I've been doing it for nearly a decade now. I'm a demo for a company called Stampin' Up and I teach classes once a month.

So during the past couple of months I decided I needed to redo my stamp room. I have a 10 x 14 room that I want to re-outfit with shelves and a different desk, instead of the plastic cart thingys I've been using. I bought some new tower bookcases and a couple of desks. But I'm having a hard time deciding where things should go.

God, this is my lamest post yet. I'm stopping righ

Mega Bites

This past week my life has been afflicted by computers and puking.

My internet connection is screwed up. I got a new router a week ago Friday. Worked just fine. Paid money to even get it installed and my network up and running again. But 2 days later, the internet connection stopped. From Sunday to Wednesday, I had o connectivity and several phone calls and visit from inept cable technicians. Finally on Wed. I got my desktop to come back up. Friday I put reconnected the network. Saturday the friggin' thing stopped again.

I am not a computer genius. I can't troubleshoot anything to save my life. But I think I at least know how to get a around a little bit. I need a computer savior. I'm sick of tech support via the phone. I want someone in my house to fix it all and make it better. And then never talk to the again because it won't frickin' break down in another 3 days.

Now for the puking. I've not been doing so good with leftovers. And let me tell you, my fridge is full of them. The first time I have a food, it tastes great and I really enjoy it. The second time, I don't enjoy it, I seem to eat much less, and I get sick. If anyone else has had this problem, I'd like to hear about it. I am trying to make sure I eat slowly, chew well and portion what I eat...But it doesn't seem to happen.

The worst part? If I can't tolerate leftovers, I have to cook every night. That sucks.

Ramblings on my way to South Africa

So Wisconsin's informed and socially progessive senators (ahem) have voted to allow the constitutional amendment to ban marriage/civil unions or anything resembling either to proceed. It will come up in the house sometime this summer, I think. And it will likely be on the ballot in November. Damn.

My iPod is screwed up and I'm going to have to send it in for service. Damn.

I hadn't had internet access for the past several days. On Friday I had an agent form the geek squad come fix my wireless network. On Sunday I lost internet access. Took until Wed. night to get it to come up--and the only way that happened was when I plugged my cable modem into my desktop directly. Damn.

I walked 5.739 steps today according to my pedometer. Hot damn.

Blah, blah, blah. I'm going to go weigh myself.

So a Wisconsin legislative committee voted to move forward with an ammendment banning marriage or civil unions for gay and lesbian couples. Like the state doesn't have more important things to deal with than who I choose to spend my life with.

Here's what the ammendment comes down to: Only a marriage between one man and one woman shall be valid or recognized as a marriage in this state. A legal status identical or substantially similar to that of marriage for unmarried individuals shall not be valid or recognized in this state.

And more from the AP:

Wisconsin law already defines marriage as a union between a man and a wife, but amendment supporters fear a judge could invalidate the statute and order the state to recognize gay marriage, as happened in Massachusetts.

Opponents say the amendment would write discrimination into the state constitution and could strip gay couples of any legal recognition, such as health care benefits.

Some friggin' religious zealots decide that their marriages are less valid if gay people actually get the right to visit pay more taxes together? What the fuck?

Let us alone. Let us just live our lives like everyone else can. I don't want a piece of paper. I want assurance that if Rose names me her durable or medical POA, one of her crazy ass relatives from out of state can't turn around and challenge it and win because what we've created with legal documents functions as a marriage. Gimme a friggin' break.

As my friend Sven said, this country is too busy spreading freedom across the world to worry about freedoms at home. If fucking South Africa can make G/L marriages legal, then why the hell can't this shit hole country?

I have to say, it sucks.

I saw my surgeon today for my 3 month post-op check up. All's well. He was pleased with my progress and mentioned that I was a bit ahead of where most people are at this point. I didn't get a blue ribbon or even a gold star. I'm sure I'll still get a bill.

I went shopping afterward and found some great deals at TJ Maxx. I can't wait to actually fit into the acid washed satin/denim jeans I found for EIGHT BUCKS!!! They are a 22. I can actually close them, though I doubt I could sit down in them. Maybe next week.