It's Friday and that means casual day at work. I'm wearing my cute little size 24 jeans that are approaching "too big"--it's probably going to be the last week or so of wearing them. My 22s are feeling pretty good--just not as great as they could when I sit down.
So at 6:35 am, I jumpd on the scale wearing undergarments, my jeans and a nice form-fitting long-sleeve T...and the scale said 238.5. TWICE.
Let's review...the last time I weighed this amount had to be my senior year in college in the fall. That would have been 1988. 18 years ago. My highest weight ever was 332 in 1996. I'm down almost 100 pounds from then. I'm down 79 pounds from my liquid diet start date. That's the total weight of my 7 year old and 4 year old nieces combined. It's probably what I weighed at age 4.
I tried on my "fat pants" last week--the ones I wore just before surgery. Size 30/32. I could have fit my friend Dyan's little boy Connor in there with me.
I feel so different about my body these days. I wear makeup nearly every day. Not anything glam. Just enough to make my skin look smooth. I like the way my boobs, even though they are shrinking, now overshadow my stomach. I like how my neck looks and my wrists look and how my ankles look like a normal person's ankles. I can even tolerate the cottage cheese tummy, the flappy wings under my arms and the melting armpit flesh. With my clothes on, I think I look pretty normal.
The last time I had lost a lot of weight in 1996, I didn't feel this good about myself. It was a real shock to have the pounds come off and get used to a new body. But it feels so different this time. Maybe because I knew what it would be like? I suppose it doesn't matter. I'm shrinking and that's what counts.
I CHOOSE
...to love myself.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
Friday, December 16, 2005
Something to write home about
Posted by JUST JEN at 8:59 AM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
Dear Shrinking One,
Minimizing your Assets is a lovely thing, and getting to know your new body is completely cool. It's like test driving a new car every day (only better), and it never fails to amuse.
It wont be long now until you get out of the 20 something jeans. Yet another reason to celebrate! I celebrated all those little victories. I still do actually.
Anyway, keep up the good work and keep on blogging your journey...
I think this is a very interesting time, to have reached a point where I feel like I'm looking a little different all the time and people are freaking out over it. It's giving me a sense of possibilities that could be a whole different part of my life and I am enjoying it unabashedly!
Wow - What an inspiring post! I loved reading that you are coming to a healthy relationship with your body - Very inspiring!
Best wishes for your continued success!
Congrats! I wish I had your determination.
Post a Comment