Tonight I was on a mission to find a size 5X nightgown to give as a gift to a woman I've never met. From my fatter days, I could think of only one store that carried sizes that large: Catherine's.
I don't think I've been there for over 8 months. As soon as I was small enough to shop in the plus-size section of regular stores like Wal-Mart or Target, I gave up on the over-priced clothes of Catherine's.
It was like walking into a bad dream. I forgot the synthetic blends, the elastic waists and extra-long tunics. I looked at the store like I was seeing it for the first time. Why, in a store for large-size woman, were the racks wedged so close together that even I in my size Large body brushed through sweaters and stretchy denim slacks? Why did most styles feature garishly printed patterns? To cover the fat? To accentuate it? And why in the hell were they selling frickin' toffee, nuts and fruit car in Figi's boxes at the cash register? WHY? It's insane.
I'm going to admit it. I looked at the people in the store and I was, first, glad that I was not one of them, and two, embarrassed for them. When did this change for me? I have been very critical and condemning of newly thin people who say they are repulsed by fat people. I can't say that I'm repulsed, but I do want distance from them. I want to NOT be associated with them.
Someone said to me that we are most critical about other people for the things we like least in ourselves. I guess that's true. I least like that part of me that lived for 38+ years in a casing of hot, miserable fat. Time to find the things I do like.
I CHOOSE
...to love myself.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
Friday, December 08, 2006
Returning to the scene of the crime
Posted by JUST JEN at 8:55 PM
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1 comment:
I know this is going to sound crude but it's the old saying..."there is nothing worse than a reformed whore". It goes for anything...EX-smokers, EX-obese, EX-drinkers. We are more critical of those who are still there, somewhere we have chosen to no longer be. Be gentle to them for they haven't found there way, and be gentle to yourself because you never want to be there again.
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