Connecting the Dots

I had a breakthrough this week, a shift in perception that has the potential to change my relationship with food.

I was in a restaurant Monday night. Dinner was ordered. The salad came first. I ate a sufficient amount and left enough room for the main course. However, the main course was delayed. When it finally arrived, the food wasn't what I had expected based on the menu description and, for what it was, it wasn't really that good.

I complained to the waiter, then ate what I thought was worth eating just so I could get in my protein. Soon, of course, I was full. But I wasn't satisfied. I was still disappointed about the food. I was unhappy about the delay. I was irritated by the inconvenience of not eating in the time span that I like to eat. My stomach was telling me I was full--but my head was still hungry because it wasn't satisfied.

And that's when I realized that hunger and satisfaction have absolutely NOTHING to do with each other. I can be full and not be satisfied. Conversely, I can be satisfied and still feel hunger. For the first time ever, I actually experienced (or noticed) the disconnect between my head and my body. I recognized that no matter how full I felt, I still wasn't satisfied because the reality of the experience didn't meet my expectations. Even if I kept eating, I still wouldn't be satisfied. In fact, I'd end up feeling even worse because I'd soon enough feel guilty for eating more than necessary.

So I put down the fork and said I was full. Unsatisfied, but full.

The waiter eventually brought a replacement entree. It looked worlds better. Yes, I wasn't hungry. But I felt like I could take a taste--and just one taste--because I understood that I was going to do it for the satisfaction of it and not the hunger. Make sense? So I did take a bite. It was perfectly grilled and absolutely delicious. Then I was satisfied. Not satiated. But satisfied. And that one bite was enough. I didn't have feel like I had to gobble down the whole thing.

It all goes back to being aware of my emotions and understanding the relationship between my emotions and my body. Tuesday night I got home late and wanted to eat. I thought about it and realized I wasn't hungry. I just needed to feel connected. Food would not make a satisfactory connection. It would just make me feel more disconnected from myself because I'd be eating for the wrong reasons.

Yep, that proverbial light bulb went on. It's bright. Grab your shades.