I'm coming up on the 1-year anniversary of my surgery and suddenly it feels like I'm channeling Fat Jen again. Maybe it's the oppressive heat that reminds me of how I plodded through last summer, sweat drizzling down the pudge on my neck and back, pooling behind my knees. Maybe it's the spate of appointments and tests required for my 1-year surgeon visit.
For a long time I haven't been doing the "when I was fat" comparison because I have hit that point where I feel okay in my skin, sagging though it may be. But for the last week, I'll get that refrain going in my head like a bad track from Olivia Newton-John. When I was fat I would...when I was fat I didn't...when I was fat I never.... Fill in the blank. There were a lot of woulds, didn'ts and nevers during life at 317.
I guess the significant part of this is the same thing that's irritating me. When I was fat. Before. After. I'm not fat any more. At least not super morbidly obese on the verge of cardiac arrest and/or stroke. I'm clinically still overweight--and may always be. But one thing I know for sure...
I am not fat.
I CHOOSE
...to love myself.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Timeline
Posted by JUST JEN at 6:20 AM
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3 comments:
I really think that making that cross over, not always recalling the "when I was fat", is the reason you've come to be comfortable in your new body.
I know folks who are years out from their surgery and still say refer back to the fat days -- it's a constant reminder (and one that really doesn't need reminding because we could never forget!). I think at somepoint the past has to stay in the past for one to move on through the future. :)
You've done such an awesome job!
God.. could I have one more typo?
My mantra was always BS and AS. Before Savannah and After Savannah. I was actually just slightly overweight from 1978-1985 when I got pregnant.
After carrying the stigma of being "fat" for most of my life, I know it is going to be hard for my brain to follow my weight loss.
BTW, I love the picture of you and KT shopping. You both look happy and fabulous!
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