I wonder when my universe will stop revolving around the fact that I've lost this huge amount of weight in a short period of time.
Will I ever be--or can I ever be--just Jen? If I had lost the weight through conventional dieting, I suppose some day I'd just be a thin version of me. But because I had my innards reorganized and permanently altered, will I always be a gastric bypass patient?
Right now it's still easy to let it define my life. I have different eating habits and different nutritionals requirements because of it. It keeps me set apart from people in some ways.
But I'm at this point now where I'd like to let it start taking the back seat at family gatherings and in conversations with friends. I could just be me and worry about the last 10 pounds to lose like every other American woman.
Sometimes, though, I worry that I need the definition. What if there's nothing special enough about me to set me apart from people other than the surgery? What if it really is the only thing that makes me interesting?
We wear these labels around our lives. Some times they get slapped on us, some times we paste them on ourselves. I think they're probably like bumper stickers...they stick on us, making statements, getting all grimy and tattered, until we get up off our asses and peel them off ourselves. So what do you do then with the suddenly clean spot where the old one was? Stick on another?
I CHOOSE
...to love myself.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
Friday, September 01, 2006
By definition
Posted by JUST JEN at 6:24 AM
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5 comments:
so, you replaced fat jen with kickass awe-inspiring jen. i imagine it'll take more than a year to retrain the way you thought of yourself your whole life. go easy on yourself there.riceygs
god damn comment verification, i don't need anyhelp to look like an idiot.
I agree, your awesomeness shows out through this blog even. I have seen other WLS bloggers it isn't the surgery that draws me in or makes me want to keep reading it is the person behind them.
Others will want to talk about what you did. Think of how amazing it is to you. They must be completely floored by your transformation.
It will eventually wear off and you will just be you. Not the girl who used to be fat. Now when you meet new people, they won't know that you were formerly fat.
I love the new picture of you! The person you are sparkles and I can see her in the old pic too!
I'm guessing you'll get to that point fairly soon. I said to another WLSer the other day that not only are people's bodies really in flux the first 18 - 24 months, so are their personalities. People pick up on both things, but it's really only socially acceptable to talk about the physical changes. Nobody wants to say, "Gee, now that you are slim and self confident, when are you going to dump that fat slob of a partner/get your teeth straightened/finish your degree/fill in the blank". Accept that you're in transition and hold on to your hat!
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