Anniversary

Yesterday was the 2nd anniversary of my commitment ceremony with Rose. We've been together since '94. In '04, we celebrated 10 years with 100 friends and family members in attendance at a church ceremony, followed by a beautiful outdoor reception.

I don't even recognize these people in this photo. I remember looking at this picture when it came back from the photographer and thinking that Rose looked beautiful and I looked like a fat pig. Even now, I see the outfit I didn't want to wear, but settled for because it was the one that fit. I see the sweat trickling down my fat face. I see how I practiced holding my bouquet so that it covered the mound of flesh in the middle of my body. Why the hell didn't someone tell me that there was no way 24 roses would cover enough of me to make a difference?

It pains me to look at this picture. It reminds me of how we were, how I don't want us to be anymore.

My weight loss forced a lot of changes on both of us. We weren't ready for hardly any of them. Neither of us had even a small inkling of how far-reaching the effects of my surgery would be. If someone would have told us we'd separate 18 months after this photo was taken, we would have laughed at them.

But here we are. We celebrated our anniversary by moving more of my stuff from the apartment back to the house. I officially gave notice to the landlord when I paid the September rent. The separation is over. We managed to weather it all and still find each other in the midst of finding ourselves.

We're lucky. I know. I wish I had a picture of us today. Together.