I don't know what's more painful: shoving too much food down my throat or beating myself up over it.
This dark place I'm in is difficult hard to bear. I know I make it even harder when I constantly berate myself and put myself down. It's so easy, I'm finding, to really slide back into that old pattern of behavior. In some ways, it's even more painful now than before because I realize that I shouldn't let myself be filled with so much self-hate. It used to be how I coped on a daily basis. Hating myself. Eating myself to fatdom. Hating myself for eating myself into fatdom. Eating myself out of fatdom, trying to think it was making me feel better. Vicious cycle.
I recognize that I am in this cycle. I know that at one point I had the tools to break it. Afterall, I was doing gangbusters for a while. I just need to slow down, figure out what I'm really dealing with, name it and then move on.
Today was a pretty decent food day. Protein first. Reasonable portions. Not too compulsive in my thinking. By now means was it perfect. But it was not an all out pigfest. And I certainly didn't feel out of control. Did I need to eat at 3 p.m. today? Probably not. But what I ate was a good choice. Yesterday, it wasn't a good choice. I need to take that as progress.
I CHOOSE
...to love myself.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Self-flagellation
Posted by JUST JEN at 9:40 PM
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2 comments:
Sweets, Take the good from today. PRAISE yourself for it and move on! You have done fantastically and you will continue to do so. I have absolute faith in that!
Once you believe it too, it will happen.
Hang in there!
One thing that has stuck with me since my WW days was that it all starts with the very next bite...I understand stress eating so well. Just take it one day at a time.
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