Last week I had a sudden spike in the number of visits to this site. Checking my stats, I saw that a number of the unexpected visitors came from the same site, www. calorielab.com.
They reviewed my blog, quoting from my posts and linking to various entries. It was surreal for me to read someone else's impression of my writing and my insights. What I found most bothersome was the characterization that I was "forlorn, confused woman" and that I profile myself "in less than complimentary terms."
My first response was to feel quite defensive. Personally, I'd not characterize myself as either forlorn or confused. But obviously, somewhere in my writing, that's what comes across to some people. So maybe there's a grain of truth in that. I'll consider it.
And it got me to thinking that I do have the tendency to be self-deprecating in my assessments of myself. Is it because I'd rather cut myself down before someone else does it? I have always, always, always been concerned about what people think of me. I act like I don't, but I really do. It's how I'm wired.
Speaking of wired, I also wonder if I am wired to always struggle with these issues I've written about for the past year. What if I really am only happy when I'm conflicted? What if I've gorged myself for my whole life to keep myself unhappy, afraid of what true inner happiness feels like? Maybe I just don't want the responsibility of being happy. So why would that be?
Going back and reading that review of my blog still makes me a little uneasy. And I HATE that people coming here for the first time will have had their judgment of my blog (and of my) affected by someone else's perception of me. But I suppose, if you're going to write about rearranging your guts, post picture of your boobs and call yourself names online, you should be open to whatever anyone thinks of you--good, bad or indifferent.
I CHOOSE
...to love myself.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
As quoted by
Posted by JUST JEN at 8:47 PM
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3 comments:
I find their description of you quite confusing...I think that your blog is a view into your WLS journey and I think that as we transform through that we will have critical things to say about ourselves. It's normal and it let's those of us who read your blog know you are normal. You don't know a lot of us out here, but on the other hand to some of us you feel like an old friend. Let the idiots say what they like...this is YOUR blog to use to document YOUR journey.
Take care and keep doing what you are doing.
Personally, I deeply appreciate your willingness to share your honest feelings - be they positive, negative or indifferent. I started reading your blog (and others on the webring) several months pre-op. They helped me tremendously as I made the decision to have WLS and as I prepared myself for what would come after. Now, I use the blogs as a preview to what I may and probably will experience in the future. Jen, just know that you are helping so many people like me and we thank you.
My blog is profiled on there this time. It will be interesting to see if my visitors increase! Good luck with your continued weight loss!
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