I'm staying at the house this weekend. I've been with a friend since leaving the hospital. But I've missed my home and the cats. I've missed the familiar.
It's just not that easy right now. A little over a week ago I ended my 13-year relationship. For good. I took a huge step in saying what I both needed and wanted. However, it meant not being in the house with her during recovery. And not being the house. Period.
We came up with an arrangement this week so that I can spend some evening in the house. While she's at a friend's home, I stay here. Nothing more decided beyond that. For now, I'll take my own bed and my own pillow and rambunctious kittens early in the morning.
Who knows how long it will last. At some point, we'll have to start dissolving the assets, juggling monies, struggling with who, what, when. But no whys. The whys are pretty clear to me: I need to be strong on my own. For me alone. No expectations. Happy.
I'm sad for the loss I've caused another person, grieving the end of a significant chapter in my life. But relieved, in a way, to be moving in a direction that feels unsure, uncertain. Simply because it's a direction of my own choosing.
I CHOOSE
...to love myself.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
Friday, November 09, 2007
The weekend
Posted by JUST JEN at 11:45 PM
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3 comments:
I'm sure your counselors have linked up the struggle with your body to the struggle to end your relationship. It is never easy under any circumstances, but you can now build your foundation for your life on your own two feet.
Enjoy the kitty therapy!!!
Oh I am so sorry for the sress, I hope that your partner can love you enough to let go and give you what you need.
The road to health is not always easy...I am happy that you have made the choices that you needed to make to move in the right direction. I am sending you good energy and am here if you ever need anything. Take care.
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