Friends in all the wrong places

I don't know how to write this, other than to say that I am lonely and feel abandoned.

It's been weeks since I've spoken with someone whom I've considered a supporter. For this person's own reasons, there has been limited contact. And while I can understand the reasons and the need for distance on this person's part, I still feel slighted. Inconsequential.

I'll own those feelings. No one MADE me feel this way. It's up to me to work through these emotions. It's up to me to find the support I need elsewhere. This I know. But it hurts. It makes me so sad that I can't even talk to the one person who's always been there. Just not this time. Just not this time when it feels the darkest.

I have my family, who has been so supportive and giving to me. I have some friends who check in on me because they know I can't always reach out. I have the readers of this blog who keep coming back and commenting. At the end of the day, though, I'm lonely. I don't mind being alone. In fact, I like it.

But I miss human contact, especially from the some of the people I care about the most. I am grateful for what I have. I would not be alive right now without the kindness of a few loyal people. The strange, painful part, however, is that those few people are not the ones I expected to step up.