There's someone with whom I interact during part of my treatment program. She had RNY gastric bypass just one month after me. She said she lost 160 pounds and gained back 60. She calls her surgery a failure.
I feel guilty for having lost as much as I have and still not being satisfied with it. I feel dishonest for being able to pass as "normal" in a world where she would be judged by her appearance and I probably wouldn't be. I hate myself for be so ungrateful for what I do have and so disrepectful of my body.
Why can't I just be satisfied?
I CHOOSE
...to love myself.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Guilt
Posted by JUST JEN at 6:53 AM
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2 comments:
I have never met you, however, as I have followed your story and also have my own to tell, I can tell you that you need to embrace your emotions because they are what makes us whole. Feel each emotion individually. It's like going through a battlefield and and getting to the other end. Once you have made it through, you can feel success that you survived and can handle it the next time. No one said it was not going to hurt. My life was like a broken mirror and everytime I looked in it, it was distorted. Each broken piece represented an individual emotion. After forcing myself to learn each emotion and feel it, really feel it, was I able to become a whole person. The road ahead of you is what you make of it good or bad. Just the fact you went back into the hospital and outpatient treatment just shows how much you want to learn what life really is about. You are the only one that can do this. Ask your therapist about the word narsissm sometimes, that is why we are so unsatisfied and strive for perfection at all costs. I left a relationship also thinking it was the other person, but it never was them they were fine, part of me was jealous that they were genuine and I was fake. I was the one that needed lots of work. If I can leave you with one thought, it is this, You will make it through this and will become a real whole person in the end. Take is slow.
I guess you're just stronger than that other woman is, aren't you? Find your pride. You deserve it.
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