How it's going to be...

I am not strong enough to deal with some of the comments coming through. I don't have time to second guess what the "real" meaning is behind them. I don't want to censor what I write because of what one person or another thinks I should or shouldn't say. Free speech, kids. If I'm willing to pay the price for it, then that's my call.

I'm tired of people telling me what my treatment protocol should be, how I should spend my time, who I should confess to and why. I'm a big girl. Maybe you don't like how my life is going, but I don't care. It only matters what I think.

Those of you who read regularly also know how to contact me. Feel free. For now, I'm disabling comments. And if any of you read regularly in an attempt to actually avoid contacting me and just ASKING me how I'm doing, then you're not really concerned. Don't read this blog and then call me, pretending that you don't know how I'm doing. Just call and tell me that yes, it must suck. I just want people to realize that this is not easy. Give me credit for trying. If I was perfect, I wouldn't be in recovery.

I am tired. I am sick of being in this spot. Don't tell me to eat or not eat. Don't tell me to drink or not drink. If it was really that easy, I would have done that by now. This is fucking hard. Harder than anything else I have ever done. Ever.

So I'm done for now. Right now, I never, ever want to post again. But, as some of you so kindly pointed out, my narcissism keeps bringing me back. What does it say about you that you keep coming back to witness it? Waiting for the train wreck? Sorry, you'll have to wait. Keep watching, but you will not see it here.

Adios.