Body Cues

All this time on my hands and nothing to do but pay attention to my body. To the weird gurgles. The jabs. The twinges. The buzzes. The sudden flinch in my gut, the tightening band on my head.

I've never really paid much attention to physical cues. Deny the body, deny the self. Now that I'm actually living in this body, it seems to be talking to me. I just don't really understand what it's saying.

Pain? Pleasure? Peace? Is that hunger or hurt? Craving or cramping? Is it my pouch stomach or my big stomach? Intestines or other internal organ? I deadened myself to physical sensations to also avoid the emotional ones. Now that I'm in a clear place where I could ascertain one from the other, I am having a hard time doing so. Maybe I can't tell the differences. Maybe I don't want to.

Understanding why I feel physical sensation would also mean I understand the physical effects of the emotional ones. And maybe that's too much self-awareness this early in the game.

Do I want to know whether my midriff aches because of a gas or because of bottled up emotional crap? Am I suffering from insomnia because I can't sleep or because I don't want to sleep? Does my head hurt because of a clot ready to blow or because my memories are?

I've been trying to listen to my body for hunger signals. I could be listening for the wrong sounds.