And on the fourth day she said...

Even though I never anticipated this is where I'd be in my life at this point, doesn't mean I wasn't meant to get here.

I've now been off of work, save a couple weeks around Christmas, for seven months. More than half a year. Go read my archive from a year ago. I didn't see this coming. Not like this.

I don't doubt, however, that is the right path. Not the fun path. Not the rich path. Not the party like a rock star path. It would be sweet if it could be the fun, rich, rock star path. But I'd take right over wrong any day.

I never expected I'd have to work so hard at drawing my own damn map to find my way around.

Enough waxing philosophical.

I got a new scale. The old one is in the garbage. The new one has me at a new low that I know is not a good low. I started charting my food intact again yesterday. Part of me wants that number to go down, but more of me knows that I'm only losing muscle and brain tissue, not fat. The parts of me that I don't like, don't change when the weight does.

I realized yesterday that I've had some really great small successes these last few months. I'm more comfortable buying food I enjoy and not feeling guilty. Yesterday, I bought English muffins AND a loaf of bread. Ha! I also put a pack of regular sugar in my coffee drink. And I got dressed without looking in the mirror or even thinking about it.

Ok. I'm done.