So I've learned, sleep is not a unifying factor in my mind-body connection.
I'm loosing track of days. My med changes are screwing with my head. I'm sick of affirmations and meditations and spirtuality and wholistic blah-blah-blah.
I want to watch the Criminal Investigations Network whenever I'm not sleeping. And I don't even care when I wake to find black ants crawling on my legs. (However, I don't want them in the cats' food, so I will be calling a bug person soon.)
Today I didn't drink. And I didn't purge. But don't start clapping yet. I ate like a friggin' pig and punished myself by wallowing in the discomfort and distended stomach. Fat pants for me. I probably ate over 5,000 calories today. Slowly but surely. Even with a pouch, it can be done.
Tomorrow I'm sure I won't be eating. I'll need to make up for today somehow. I need to make up for every day, don't I? That's what I need to get over.
I CHOOSE
...to love myself.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
How to top that?
Posted by JUST JEN at 9:56 PM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Jen,
I found your blog several months ago when I did a google search on hair loss post gastric bypass surgery. My heart identifies with you in what you’ve experienced. I had surgery 9 months ago. I’ve listened to the voices inside my head tell me that no matter how much I lose it’ll never be enough. I’ve felt the whispery allure of bulimia and anorexia. I’ve gone weeks at a time without taking my vitamins or protein shakes. I’ve started at my saggy skin in disgust and wondered at what I’ve done to myself. I’ve called myself pathetic for even having this surgery in the first place- for being the kind of person who needed this done and who chose it. I want you to know that you are not alone. You are being thought of and prayed for. It doesn’t matter who or what you are- God has an amazing plan for your life. And more importantly and even more amazing, He has an endless love that isn’t contingent on how many calories you’ve consumed or not consumed or your sexual orientation or you’re your current weight or pant size. Nothing you do can make Him love you more or less than what He already does and always has. I have my own struggles, issues, and demons. I don’t dare pretend that I’m all perfect and happy and all figured out. The big but is that no matter what I go through I have a choice to try and handle and fight this on my own or to get on my knees and cry to God for His grace to save me. Grace that doesn’t just forgive you , hug you, but still leaves you a mess but grace that infuses your soul with iron and strength to stand and to overcome that which would destroy you and lead you astray. Grace that not only forgives you and saves you from an eternity in hell but saves you from your sin and the hell that we so often experience on earth as we live our lives. Grace from a God who doesn’t just love us and sends His son to die for us and then holds us back at arm’s length but rather from a God who passionately loves and LIKES us and wants us to know Him and have relationship and intimacy with Him and invites us to walk with our hand in Him and to never be alone again. If you need a friend or someone ‘anonymous’ to talk to please e-mail me and I’ll give you my phone number.
Cindy
I was waiting for your words.
Please stay safe.
#1 not eating slows metabolism - u know this. so eat.
#2 from lots of therapy and meds (in the past) I have learned that too much sleep makes you depressed. So the first thing that docs do for a depressed person is to sleep deprive them. Maybe you are getting too much sleep - seriously.
#3 Get out of the house and take a walk. What I have learned from almost loosing my ability to walk is that the body is an amazing tool - if used properly.
Go and USE YOURSELF with strength and determination and dignity.
Make today the first day of a new life.
It takes 3 weeks to make a habit. Make your habit loving yourself and every inch that you own.
Start that habit today.
xo, Candi
Post a Comment