Is it the beginning or the end?

I'm trying to decide if right now is just a leftover yesterday or if it's already tomorrow. There's something to be said for a new day...but if it's still the old one, is there a possibility to salvage the parts you don't like? Someone tell me, please.

I think I wrote about this before, but it's still in my head: I want to go on retreat. Time to myself. Away from the house, the familiar, the phone, the computer. Just me, myself and I...and whatever divine spiritual force happens to show up and enlighten me.

The only problem is that this endeavor requires hours of solitude. Yes. Just what I want. Exactly what frightens me the most. What happens if I get myself in the middle of me and I find out that I am not enough? I know that sounds so flipping egotistical. But come on. This IS about me. And the retreat would be about me. And I honestly don't know if I could handle myself 24/7.

My therapist, close friends, all say to do it. There are local retreats, far off spots, isolation opportunities and guided spiritual programs. I just know I'll end up thinking this to death, spinning the little beach ball in my iMac brain and never really doing it. I wish there was a travel coordinator to call and do this for me. I could turn over my list of needs and wants and then disappear. I should google that.

Other tidbits I need to say: I am purging and drinking; my baby cat went to stay with her other mama because she keeps peeing on my personal belongings; I need to have a rummage sale to make some quick cash; the water is finally disappearing in my backyard, but it's nothing compared to the flooding further out from the city.

Finally, don't swim in Lake Michigan this summer. Milwaukee's been dumping raw sewage into the lake for the past week. That's not a candy bar floating along the shore.