Swan Song

This is it. My final post to this blog.

It's been nearly three years since I opened shop and started hawking the hot fat. And folks, I have to say, it's pretty much all gone.

I had my 3-year post-op bariatric appointment today. Labs held steady--low in all the places expected to be.Weight stable. Talked about my recent spate of hypoglycemic episodes. Reviewed the year of eating disorder treatment. Dismissed with blessings and praise. There you have it. All's well...and now, for posterity's sake, recorded for all time in cyberspace.

This blog has been a catalyst for change...sometimes good, sometimes bad. It's taught me a lot about who I am, how people perceive me, how I affect that perception by what I choose to reveal.

I've learned that who I am is more than can ever be contained in the confines of a blog. I don't need any longer to look for myself--or even create myself--on these pages. Everything I am or will be is already inside of me. And I'm at a place--beautiful, serene and fully loving--where I don't need the approval, feedback or attention of anyone else to help me understand or love myself.

Do I regret WLS? No. Do I regret ED treatment? No. Do I wish things had worked out differently? Not really. Everything has been exactly as it needed to be for me to reach this point of self-acceptance. I guess that's been the goal of my writing since the beginning. And now, here I am. Time for something new.

The URL and all the archives will remain active. Feel free to come back and reminisce. Share the links with those whose journeys parallel mine/ours. Send newbies this way. Come back if you need a kick in the ass or a good laugh yourself.

I'm on to some new ventures and when those sites are up and running, I'll post links here. In the meantime, you can always email me at address in my profile.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for the emails and comments. Thanks for the prayers and positive thoughts. Thanks for helping me grow from Shrinking Violet into a Sassy Fatty and finally letting me be Just Jen.

Transformation

A current major life theme for me, confirmed and acknowledged during my recent Sedona retreat, is TRANSFORMATION.

Well, duh. What have the last three years been about? Okay, I'll give the universe that. But this recent state has felt bigger than that. It's an internal shift. One that lets me feel like I fill the expanse of the sky and, given the opportunity, would fly out of this universe on the tail of a clear night's star.

You chuckle. I know I can be melodramatic. But that's not the case. It's where I am...moving, shifting. Shedding the old. Just like the gorgeous rattle snake that came to the edge of my path on my way through Fay Canyon. It moved to the middle of the red, sandy trail. Looked me in the eye. And moved on. I felt honored. Never frightened. And this "dangerous" creature seemed like the most welcomed gift. His diamond skin of green and black shimmered as he swept over the ground. Have you ever heard a snake move? It was like the faintest breeze rustling through leaves. He gave me permission to go on. Change as I need to. Shed the old.

I was blessed to also cross paths with amazing healers...wise men and women who shared with me insights that I know were lodged deep in my brain and heart. But their subtle, safe, nurturing prodding brought them forth. And their stories: struggles of their own with addictions, eating, doubt. They inspired me. Offered new perspectives. Refreshened hope.

Every day was like receiving a simple tool to stash in my bag, to use as I want or must. By the end of the week, my bag bulged with possibilities. But, amazingly, it seemed to grow lighter with each new tool. Or maybe that was the burden I'd placed my own shoulders.

Either way.

Here I stand. Rooted firmly on Wisconsin soil. Last night's sun set over the golden mountain arches of McDonalds, sung to sleep by zooming cars and thumping bass from stereos. Still, the same sun that shone on me a thousand miles away. The same sun that set on you wherever you are. Do you see the joy in that? Maybe that means a little of my inner peace can reach all of you, wherever you are physically, emotionally. To my Iowa reader who wrote yesterday, I especially send warm rays. And to my NYC love, the same to you and to those around you who need it.

Laugh if you must. I choose to chuckle with joy.

Sedona

I've returned from a week in Sedona. I won't be writing much about it, other than to say it was an amazing and transformative week.

The time with myself and the various practitioners and healers I encountered has led me through intense soul searching. The clarity is refreshing. The results? Already unfolding. In the words of Jake, guru of the wanderer, "Life IS Good."

Ahhhhhhhh.