Es-Aych-Oh-Pee-Pee-Eye-En-Gee SHOPPING

Was it the Pet Shop Boys that sang SHOPPING? God, where has all the good music gone. I digress.

I did go shopping yesterday. At a mall. I actually went into fat girl stores I've never visited before (Casual Woman Annex and Torrid--I know, 2 extremes) because I never thought I'd fit into the clothes.

At first I was really excited that these clothes not only fit, they even looked okay. But it was depressing. I felt like I really shouldn't buy anything because how long would I actually be able to wear it? And then I started to feel like I just didn't "fit in", like I was some kind of imposter that, any day now, would balloon up and never even fit through the door. I didn't feel REAL.

I look in the mirror and wonder when someone's going to figure out that I'm a fat girl, used to be a really fat girl and someday will, once again, be even fatter. I just don't trust all the change yet.

Later in the day we went to Target and I tried on a coat there. Now Target, Walmart, any store like that I NEVER even look at clothes because I'M TOO FAT! I looked at myself in the mirror and then looked behind me because my brain couldn't believe the person staring back could be me.

Will my head ever catch up with my body? Will clothes ever be sized consistently from one store to another?

And what kind of "style" is right for me? I'm used to BIG. But sexy? Professional? Casual? Slut? Preppy? (Okay, someone told me they saw a high school kid wearing an IZOD shirt with the collar flipped up. Say it ain't so!) I'll take any recommendations. Maybe I'll take the camera to stores with me, try on styles and post pics so someone else can tell me what to wear. Fat Fashion Frenzy.