I CHOOSE

...to love myself.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.

...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Snacker Doodle

I love snacks! I loved them even more BEFORE surgery when my entire day was pretty much one big snack. But the fact that I still get snacks AFTER surgery is like finding a $1 bill in an old purse you dug out of the closet. It ain't much but it makes you feel like you won the lottery.

I just got done having a snacky-poo of Carb Options Peanut Butter (2 tablespoons) and a glass of Chocolate Soy Slender. De-lish-us. I think I made that peanut butter last 15 minutes. And I discovered that if you take a bite of PB and swallow, but don't lick your teeth so you still have a little PB residue in the crevices, then take a sip of choco soy and SWISH it around...it almost tastes like a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup!

Other favorite nibblers for me are cheese. And cheese. Oh, and also cheese. Any way I can get my protein, I'll take it. (I'll write another day about my search for appropriate fiber sources.) I've tried some soy crisp crackers, popcorn cakes, rice cakes and rye crisp. Moderation, dear, moderation. More than a couple and I feel like I've just been given permission to lick clean the inside of a potato chip bag.

It was pretty late tonight when I had my PB snack--after 10. Normally (post-op) I wouldn't eat anything so late. But I was on my way home from teaching a class and all I could think about was what drive-thru had food I could eat. I wasn't hungry. Just wanted to EAT. So I told myself that if I made it home without any detours through any order windows, I'd have a snack. So for about 10 miles, I took a mental inventory of the refrigerator.

I think one reason I wanted to eat on this particular night at a time when I generally wouldn't was because every other time I'm driven this route at that time of night by myself, I would have stopped at a McDonalds or Taco Bell. Just because I could. And I would have ordered more food than I needed--and I would have eaten it all.

The HABIT of is harder to break than I thought. Sometimes I think I use the excuse of my surgery to EAT at meal times. For example, tonight I got home from work around 5 and knew I had to leave by 5:30 for class. I wasn't hungry and wasn't going to eat. But then I convinced myself I had better eat because I wouldn't be able to later. Well, I wouldn't be able to eat that stuff on the stove later on because I'd be elsewhere and be preoccupied. But I could have eaten something else later had I packed a meal and took it with me. But the habit of eating at 5 took over and I did it.

I can see these habits of mine could be a royal pain in my shrinking ass.

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