Busy week for me. My return from Atlanta was uneventful. And sad. I wish I could have stayed longer with Wendy.
My tattoo is infected. It's a Puss-y Pussy Kat. On Thursday I got a prescription antibiotic lotion. On Friday I got oral antibiotics. The tattoo is crusty green, red, painful. My other two pieces NEVER got like this. Saturday night I almost passed out cleaning the thing. YUCK. I'd post a picture, but it would make you puke.
I visited Chicago Sunday and today to check in on my big loser buddy, Mark. The guy's too hard on himself. Open RNY 5 days ago and he thinks he should be dancing around in pumps. But he looks GREAT and his incision is really, really clean.
Dagny and I had a long chat last night while Mark was sleeping. Good conversation. Rather enlightening for me. She's in love with her new body; I'm not in love with mine. She can think of tons of things she likes about herself. I can think of a lot...they all are just followed with a "but". And that made me realize that I just don't even see me as I am now.
When I close my eyes, the person I see is the fat Jen from 8 months ago. And even if I "see" my new face, there's always an aura of "fat" around it. A shadow. Any time I look in a mirror in my bathroom, at work, in a dressing room, I cannot see the real me. But last night, looking at myself in the mirror in Mark's retro pink bathroom, who I saw looking back at me was the me I am now. It was the new me. That happened last weekend when I was at Wendy's too. It's like I can only see me reflected in other people's mirrors. I want to see the new me in my head.
I CHOOSE
...to love myself.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
Monday, April 17, 2006
Another week slips by...
Posted by JUST JEN at 9:09 PM
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2 comments:
The next time you visit I will give you a mirror we will say I am loaning you so it will remain mine. Then you will always have someone else's mirror to look in and see your true self.
I've had similar experiences. I don't know why it sometimes takes a different mirror, but I do find myself looking at myself more b/c I like seeing the new me instead of the old me. You'll get there!
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