-365

In a couple of days it will be one year since my RNY surgery. I've really tried not to do the whole "a year ago I [fill in the blank]" thing. It bores other people and it would eventually bore me, too. And on my actual surgery anniversary day, I'll post the mother of all introspective entries. So no need to get started early (or spoil all the fun).

But. What I have noticed is how many things I DIDN'T even realize have been missing in my life. No drive-thrus. No Krispy Kremes. No butter-soaked garlic bread from Mama Mia's on 86th & Greenfield. Somewhere between then and now, I stopped worrying about those things.

Of course, there's another whole host of self-sabotaging, mind-numbing avoidance behaviors I've adapted. But at least the ones that helped me top the scales at 317 seem to be pretty much null and void.

During the last couple of weeks, since the two-person pants pictures, several friends have told me that they don't even remember me that big. Funny. I'll never forget it. I have, however, forgotten the desperate stops at drive-thrus where I ordered two value meals (for me and that invisible person) and then ate them both. I forgot the planned eating to avoid the chance of anyone seeing empty wrappers, how I stuffed food boxes and bags at the bottom of the garbage can.

How did I do that? How did I erase that from my memory? And when did that wistful longing for all things deep-fried and trans fat laden leave?

If I don't remember those things I did, am I destined to repeat them?