Flabby

So I've been working out with a personal trainer since May. I know that I have better stamina. I know that I have a stronger body.

And I feel flabbier than ever. While I can see muscle definition in my legs and arms, I see NOTHING in my torso...except hanging skin. I KNOW my abs are stronger, my obliques tighter. But I'm growing a pouch of skin at my mid torso that was never there before and my pannus is hanging lower than ever.

I ams SO uncomfortable in my own skin. I really NEED for there to be some kind of physical evidence of my hard work. With WLS, it was there when another pound dropped and the clothing sizes started to shrink. With this, my clothes actually feel tighter...even though I am exactly the same weight I was when I started working out.

Could it be that my muscles ARE tightening...but they're pulling the loose skin to the front? When I lift up my skin and stretch it away from the center of my torso (imagine silly putty with the texture of cottage cheese), I can see my muscles expand and contract in my lower and upper abs. It's the friggin' skin that hides it.

I'm really unhappy. I really am down on my body. I feel like I look worse than I did a year ago. Shit.