What a day. I survived the afternoon binge and dump.
Several hours later, my head is clearer and my resolve is stronger. Most frightening about the day was how close I felt to becoming the person I used to be. How easy it was to eat mindlessly, with abandon, despite knowing full well the ramifications.
I'm sure I'll have more days like this. But unlike in the past, the moments do subside. The binge isn't a free pass to my personal all-you-can-eat buffet. It's more like a case of food poisoning...the best deterrant (maybe?) against eating.
As today has come back into focus, one other thing has also become clear. I am at a point where I probably won't move forward until I get to the heart of my issues. Shit. I don't even know what they all are.
I think I need to head back into therapy. A year and half ago I did it in reaction to a situation. Now I need to do it to avoid a situation. A life like the one I used to live. I simply can't go back. I just can't.
I CHOOSE
...to love myself.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
Friday, September 07, 2007
I survived
Posted by JUST JEN at 10:11 PM
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2 comments:
Well you survived. If you figure out the why... would you share? I had GBS just a month ago and I fear that day may come.
The why is so much more prevalent now than before isn't it?
Somedays I wish I could drown in a half-gallon tub of mint chocolate chip with a spoon.
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