Pondering not pounding

I'm going to try not to beat up on myself for a while. It's not helping the situation. It's not making me feel better about myself. And I think it's really a sign of a larger issue that I need to deal with, big girl that I am.

As I've been teetering on the brink of flipping out, I've also been surfing lots of blogs in search of inspiration, resonance, salvation. I found one that has really struck a chord with me. Sorry, but I'm not linking to it. There's lots of turmoil going on over in her world and I'd hate to be the one to open the door to more. Anyway.

She wrote the following:

I also think that being reverent toward your own body in the moment,
wherever you are on whatever bodily journey you’re on, is a big part of that, because without that reverence, self-care of all sorts tends to go out the window. In a conversation with my partner recently, I said that my primary criteria for doing anything about my body, in any way (medical, eating, exercise, weight-related stuff, whatever) are basically these:

1) does it feel good?

2) does it give me something I need to be a stronger healthier person in
the large picture as well as the small one?

3) does it give me something I need to thrive?

I'm envious of this woman for realizing this BEFORE she begins a conscious effort to unleash change. I wish I had been at a point in my life where I knew I needed guidelines. Ones I set and embraced for myself. Not just ones placed on me by nutritionists, surgeons and a bariatric program.

She also wrote:

I’m planning to have to deal with the intersection of my weight and body and health, in one way or another, for the rest of my life.

I was ready to deal with my weight and my body and my health for the rest of my life...but not necessarily with all of those at the same time or in relationship to each other. What the hell did I expect?

Sorry if I start to wax philosophical. There's just a lot on my mind. I need a place to go with it.