For breakfast, I drank a protein shake and a latte. For lunch I had a protein shake. Dinner I had a can of soup. And then I felt like I ate too much for the day and should throw up.
But three days ago, I probably had twice the calories I ate all day today...in one sitting...multiplied by three or four.
It's one friggin' extreme to another.
Yeah, I get that it's not right. Some thing is screwed in my head. I have no control. I love me some control! Maybe control is the issue. Once I don't have it, I feel like I'll never get it again and I panic. And that leads to spiraling even more out of control. And that is screwed up, isn't it?
I CHOOSE
...to love myself.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
This is how I am screwed up
Posted by JUST JEN at 6:38 PM
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2 comments:
Hey Jen,
You aren't screwed up. You seem to have some life issued you are struggling to (not) deal with.
I know that when I have an uncomfortable decision to make, my tendency has been to either punish myself ("I'm making bad choices because I suck") or retreat into comforting behaviors ("I feel bad, so by god I am eating these cookies and and going to enjoy them!!").
In reading your posts I know you have the strength to go where you need to, even if it isn't where you thought you ever would.
Clarity can suck sometimes, huh?
Hugs to you!
I have nothing to add - but ... I just wanted to tell you that we're in the same boat, sorta.
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