I have a second shrink appointment with a therapist that specialized in eating disorders. I'll be putting up a paypal link to solicit financial support for my emotional distress. I blew through my 125K funds already this year. Now this could be one way to cut back on the food bill.
I have a fitness assessment tomorrow to see where I stand (or squat or lunge or press) since I started working out last May. I hope it shows that some of the extra weight I'm carrying is muscle. I know. I know. It is. But I want the proof!
Some of the spiked weight is tapering off. I hate how I'm so fixated on this. I feel even more consumed by food, fat and scale numbers than I did when I was over 300 pounds. I'd like to get some perspective. That's why I need two therapists.
I CHOOSE
...to love myself.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
Friday, October 05, 2007
2nd appt
Posted by JUST JEN at 5:51 AM
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3 comments:
In a precious entry, you wrote, "Now if *I* could just get it."
Isn't that the truth. The demons I fight aren't nearly as smart as me, but more so than not, they win the battle. So are they smarter?
Here's what I've been trying to do. When the demons start talking louder than me (and making more sense than me), I put a face on their voice. Give them a face that matches exactly who it is they are. Maybe it's an obese person with a mouth full of food, or a drunk with a shriveled liver that fills the room with an odor, or a chain-smoker who's skin is glowing with yellow cancer. Go ahead, pick your poison. Then when your demon starts to whisper in your ear, take a good look at who's telling you a cookie, a drink, or a camel light won't hurt.
I LOVE what anonymous said.
I would add this ... I lost over 130lbs and it took 5 years. I got rid of the scale - and therefore I couldn't obsess anymore. I based how I was doing on how my clothes fit. It is a radical suggestion but it helped me.
Sometimes drastic changes are the only way to proceed.
I think all the scale does is torture and no matter what it says - less or more - it is never enough - so begone I say!
xo, Candace
Hey, Don't feel too bad. I joke that I need an ARMY of therapists to do my check-up from the neck up!
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