Day One

Monday's goals:
1) 100% meal plan compliance: time, calories, exchanges.
2) Bed by 11 p.m.
3) Stay present.

First day not in partial program. I was more worried about it over the weekend than I ended up being freaked out by it today. Early morning changes to afternoon plans got me out of the hosue sooner rather than later. And once out, I stayed out. (Story of my life.)

Tonight's goal is to eat dinner, since I skipped lunch because of getting up late and a noon appointment. I also need to get to bed BEFORE 2 a.m. (I'd vote 11, if possible.) And I need to work on my head...trying to process some stuff from today's therapy...but not over process it and end up worse.

My art studio is nearly ready to be ransacked by my creativity. It's been a full year since I was actually creating something in the space. Since the program and the nearly daily art therapy sessions, I've been writing and creating more. It feels good. It feels like me.

I brought one of my scales in the house. Not to stand on. I think I'm going to alter it in some kind of funky artistic "weigh" to help me get over the fixation. And if I can do that, maybe it can be the scale to stand on when I want tow eigh something other than my body.

I'm looking forward to returning to work next Monday. I need things to fill my time. All day is a lot of time to spend in my own head. And I'm running out of tv shows I've recorded to watch. Plus, it's probably time to join the human race.

Things with the house are getting settled. This weekend we talked and went through the house, room by room, to divvy up the goods. Next Saturday the moving truck comes for her things. I think I need to be gone. Yes, this was my decision, my call, my move. But it's still sad and painful...knowing I've hurt someone else, feeling like a failure in a relationship, wondering if I can truly be alone.

Okay. Stopping now. Too many racing thoughts. Backing out of the head and into the body.