...with a little help from the whole universe.
With under 90 minutes to go until a new day, I've not purged. I don't plan on it. I'm sitting with the anxiety, the fear, the self-doubt. I'm trying to see what it feels like. So far, I don't like it. But my therapists both assure me I'll get through it.
I went to see "Juno" today with some friends. The perfect babysitting adventure...where they don't have to make uncomfortable small talk and I can escape in the dark. Seriously though, these two were lifesavers today, helping me to stay in the mix and not so much in the muddle.
I got home just in time to take a phone call from another friend. He offers me great comfort and hope. And familiarity. We've known each other so long, through so many stages in our lives. Our shared history, though painful at times, at least keeps me grounded.
This evening, I found a project for myself to occupy both mind and hands. It's worked.
I feel like today was a break from the depression and desperation. I have hope that a plan is taking shape, that relief will come soon, that if I can just hold out a few more days, all the planets will align accordingly and I will be okay. I don't care of the grass is greener or not...just let me get to the other side of this fence.
I CHOOSE
...to love myself.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
Saturday, January 05, 2008
I get by
Posted by JUST JEN at 10:37 PM
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4 comments:
Tons of hope and good vibes headed your way. *hugs*
Getting to the other side of the fence is good. Whoever said grass has to be greener anyway. One step at a time and just know that I may not "know" you in the traditional sense,please know that I am rooting for you.
Regards,
Mary
Checking in and sending hugs and support, dear Jen. Keep your chin up.
Hi Jen. I usually can't post comments because when I have the time to sit down and read your blog, I am at work (ha ha) and it won't let me log in to comment. I am finally home and took the time to come here so I could tell you how proud of you I am. I know that doesn't mean anything since you don't know me but I just wanted you to know. You are doing so well; recognizing your weak points and getting the help you need to get through this. I know it's not easy, I have had a ED in the past myself and still struggle with it from time to time. It's easier now and I hope that in time it will be for you also. As kind as you are to your friends, please be that much more kind to yourself. As Maya Angelou says, you are doing the best you know how and when you know better, you will do better. We all have been there, are there, or are going to be there. So just know that your candor and ability to look within yourself is helpful for you and those of us who have struggled with this in the past. Thank you and sending you whatever hugs, well-wishes, and support vibes will reach you.
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