I'm coming around to the idea that further treatment is what I need. Not happy about it. But I understand.
I know that a lot of people care about me. I don't want to put those people in a position where they have to do things they don't want to do just so that I'm safe. See, there are some positive things about never wanting to disappoint people.
I got some Xanax finally. I hope it helps.
But tonight. Not so much. All day I pretty much ate what I was supposed to when I was supposed to. But 8:30 rolls around and I turn into Pretty Purging Princess. Yes. I know I shouldn't. No. I really don't want to do it. But there it is and it feels good and it's so easy. It's what I know.
My head aches. My stomach is sore. My throat is burning. I'm calling it a night.
I CHOOSE
...to love myself.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
Friday, January 04, 2008
Preparing the way
Posted by JUST JEN at 9:40 PM
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3 comments:
I'm of a compulsive overeater/emotional eater at heart (and yes, I still struggle with this, post-WLS), and what struck me about your post was that I, too, can do very well during the day and then go into old behaviors at night: for me, way too much food, sweets, carbs, etc. The whole compulsive thing.
I think for me it has to do with nighttime having been a scary, abusive time for me as a kid -- but I *know* this, I'm almost 47, and you'd think *knowing* it and having processed a lot of this shit would halt the behavior.
Well, I guess it does. Sometimes. Sometimes not.
I'm sorry last night was tough. I hear you.
I lose it at night too. I could be great all day - and just - cave.... and eat all night.
I appreciate you.
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