I started to write the following as a reply on Arielfreak's current blog post. But I decided to publish it here instead. Please go read her post, then pop back for my response:
I don't really feel like a part of the WLS community anymore, mostly because WLS (for me) ended up being just another symptom of a nearly lifelong eating disorder.
I think I was brainwashed (and willingly so) by desperation, the WLS community, surgeon, etc. into accepting a nutritional rationale for my weird eating behaviors created by the "onset" of a pouch. The WLS rules, both spoken and unspoken, are insidious in that we accept them as truth. Because we want to believe that it's all about the weight. Along the way, we forgot it was about the "I" in each of us.
Today was my most intuitive eating day in probably my whole life...nearly 15,000 days. My breakfast was a toasted peanut butter and jelly sandwich (2 pieces of bread) and a yogurt. Morning snack: a mini scone from Starbucks which was selected for it's appeal because, although I asked for nutritional facts, I said "forget it, just give me the scone" and ate it. Lunch: a grilled cheese sandwich on white bread, consisting for fresh sliced mozzarella, portabella mushroom, tomatoes and spinach, served alongside Asian coleslaw and home-fried chips. Afternoon snack # 1 was an apple and #2 was raisins with protein chews. Dinner was a spur of the moment decision: potluck. I took nothing, but I ate a bowl of homemade split pea and ham soup (with potatoes), a slice of buttered bread and...a green M&M chocolate chip cookie. Final snack: another apple.
Whew! I think that menu would freak out most WLS people. It would have freaked me out, too, a few months back. But today it felt right. I ate what I wanted in the quantity that felt appropriate and provided me with satiety. Notice bread in all three meals? At one time I would have told you I "could never eat bread again." And believed it. Not now. Now I believe that I was a compulsive eater who got surgical anorexia that morphed into bulimia. WLS or not, I was caught between the "food" and the "emotions" floor in my elevator head...no matter what button [read: diet, fad, doctor, surgery] I pushed.
I CHOOSE
...to love myself.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
WLS vs. ED, Round One. Ding Ding!
Posted by JUST JEN at 8:57 PM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Do you have any advice for a pre-surgical candidate? I'm going to have the surgery this summer and I am worried about possible ED. I am currently a "binger" and I'm worried about what will happen to that desire post-surgery. Do you suggest counseling now? No surgery? Any advice at all?
I appreciate anything you want to share. Thanks, Jen.
Jen - I think what you said here is really powerful. I have always wondered if people who get the surgery ever "deal" with what made them fat in the first place. I think your self discovery has been complex and difficult but you seem to be in such a better place now. Accepting life challenges and moving forward.
good for you,
Candi
Thank you for this. I did not have WLS, and in reading this became very aware of just how bad it would've been for me. I don't mean that at all as a judgment of your choice, either. I admire your honestly and willingness to share your journey with others. This actually inspired me to write a post of my own.
I really love the word satiety. It's like an opus word to strive for. Also good for Scrabble. D.
Jen thanks for posting this---so many I've run into would not speak up about their feelings.
I'm dealing with my own issues related to the WLS---not just the ED factor either.
The whole long term health consequences is my biggest concern.I had my surgery in 2004. My overall health is much worse now than before the surgery.
I would recommend anyone do some extensive research into the long term effects prior to having surgery. You can start by checking out my blog.
Back Across The Line
You and Arielfreak both inspired me to look at making a post of my own.
Post a Comment