I had a 90-minute massage scheduled for today. It was the best thing I could have possibly done for myself.
The therapist I see is a talented, intuitive, sensitive soul whom I've come to trust completely. I've been very open with her about my weight issues, gains/losses, disorders, body image, etc. She has been so respectful of me, my space and my emotions from the beginning. Today she asked what I wanted. I told her that I trusted her and that she should do whatever work she felt necessary.
I think she tapped into some very primal emotions and states of being within myself. I recall calming, gentle touch...inexplicable fear and pain...comfort...release...withdrawal...contentment. When she had finished, it took a bit for me to come back to life. I felt nearly drugged. Exhausted. But somehow better. Clean. Not ashamed. Protected.
I sat for a bit in the quiet room, waking myself up and getting grounded. I purposefully stayed out after, walking into stores and trying to root myself in the present. But now I'm home. And I'm going to nap. I'm going to remember how frightened and then rescued I felt. If I could come back from that overwhelming anxiety and fear, then I can come back anytime.
I feel so blessed.
I CHOOSE
...to love myself.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Hands of Grace
Posted by JUST JEN at 3:22 PM
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1 comment:
Okay, I don't know you except through your blog, obviously, but when I read the words, "Today she asked what I wanted. I told her that I trusted her and that she should do whatever work she felt necessary," I exclaimed "Wow!" under my breath.
I mean, that strikes me as a huge thing you were able to do today.
I have body issues of my own that go back to early sexual abuse and was able to have that feeling you talk about after a massage once -- and it truly *is* a gift. I get that.
Cool.
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