It's been a difficult week. Most friends and family have found that I'm not so communicative. I don't feel much like talking about what's going on. Don't feel much like blogging, either. My days are waves of highs and lows that sap all the energy from me. My sleep is shit. My body aches.
But every day is still another chance to make a new choice. At least I've woken every morning with that thought in my mind. Understanding the day's potential, my potential. And I suppose today is like all the rest since Monday. I just have hindsight now. See where my choices created the outcomes I desired...or didn't. Understand how I react in new, unsettling situations. Realize how far I've yet to go in dealing with familiar feelings and old triggers.
I've also struggled all week with the mess of pills I now must consume since my blood labs came back with such poor results. I've yet to have a day where I can get all the pills in. I take the one I'm supposed to take before a meal and then I don't have any room for food. Sadly, I realize that I am in this situation because of choices I've made for myself. So I really just need to tell myself to shut up and deal with it. Jen. Listen to yourself.
I CHOOSE
...to love myself.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
In review
Posted by JUST JEN at 6:40 AM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
I don't feel much like talking about what's going on.
Coming from someone who has done a lot of therapy and process work, this comment COULD easily be therapized/pathologized to imply some form of denial. But when I read it -- from you -- and when I think about my own life at times when things have been really hard, I see it as a great way to keep going. Sometimes the more something is talked about, the more that pattern is reinforced and the more those feelings and actions stay the same. When those areas have some breathing room, sometimes they are more able to quietly (or loudly) morph into other (possibly healthier or less painful) patterns.
Sometimes, too, I think it's just really important to set stuff aside for a while -- to talk about other things, to not be so consumed. I loved the fact that we had coffee and talked about web design and writing groups. I found it highly rewarding and I'm hoping you did too.
Post a Comment