I have no appetite. And it's on purpose. My psych (the one who is about to be dismissed) has me on 100 mg of Topamax a day to treat my urges to binge and purge (both food and alcohol.) It's working. I don't want to drink. I don't want to binge. I don't want to puke. And I sure as hell do not want to eat. Anything. Nothing sounds good; few things taste good.
But yesterday Cheetos seemed palatable. I bought a bag. And they were good. I ate them guilt free. No purging. I considered another bag today, but they don't hold the allure. So I'm stuck. I had a tiny container of yogurt for breakfast. A scone for lunch. Dried fruit this afternoon with pringle sticks. I can't think of one kind of protein that I could possibly stomach. Yep, I'm going to lose weight. And that's not the point.
With no nourishment in me, I am not thinking clearly. I am thinking like I did when I was eating 600 calories a day. Because I am. I think I need to get some protein shakes.
I CHOOSE
...to love myself.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
...to treat myself gently, with patience and respect.
...to accept responsibility for every aspect of my life.
...to be present, awake, aware.
...to be open to possibility.
...to leap with the intention of landing.
...to do amazing things.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Cheetos
Posted by JUST JEN at 4:34 PM
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2 comments:
Jen.
Welcome to my Dopamaxed world.
I HATE THIS STUFF.
I feel like Paula Abdul.
I'm taking 150 mg a day.
And my appetite is still there. Not as ravenous as it could be and I do not wake up and eat in the middle of the night any more - but... I feel horrible.
m'kay i haven't caught up with you in a looooong time but this particular blog caught my attention.
i didn't realize that topamax caused you to not want to eat. i was just recently put on this medication for my migraines (25mg now, upping to 50mg in about another week) so i'll have to do some research (bad bad BAAAAD monday for not doing your research FIRST!!!)
anywho, i just wanted to pop over and make sure you're ok. clearly you are not but at least you're still here and still posting somewhat which is encouraging.
(((((HUGS)))))
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