Nutrition Facts

I had my 1-year post-op visit with the nutritionist on Thursday. It went very well. She seems to feel that I'm hitting my protein counts, have learned to incorporate fruits and veggies into my diet and am keeping up on calcium. All things she said that she doesn't regularly see people doing at 1-year out, especially the part about having balanced variety in a diet. A+ for me.

Surprisingly, I didn't do my normal pre-appointment starvation diet where I don't eat or drink a thing before a weigh in. I did that for my 1-year surgeon appointment. But not this time. I guess it's starting to sink in that after losing a ton of weight, what's one or two pounds up or down from the lowest?

I left her office feeling pretty good about where I am, but definitely aware of what I need to do over the next year and beyond to maintain the weight loss.

One other thing...she thought I looked good, like I really didn't have anymore weight to lose. Interesting coming from a professional. I must be getting close.

Anniversary

Yesterday was the 2nd anniversary of my commitment ceremony with Rose. We've been together since '94. In '04, we celebrated 10 years with 100 friends and family members in attendance at a church ceremony, followed by a beautiful outdoor reception.

I don't even recognize these people in this photo. I remember looking at this picture when it came back from the photographer and thinking that Rose looked beautiful and I looked like a fat pig. Even now, I see the outfit I didn't want to wear, but settled for because it was the one that fit. I see the sweat trickling down my fat face. I see how I practiced holding my bouquet so that it covered the mound of flesh in the middle of my body. Why the hell didn't someone tell me that there was no way 24 roses would cover enough of me to make a difference?

It pains me to look at this picture. It reminds me of how we were, how I don't want us to be anymore.

My weight loss forced a lot of changes on both of us. We weren't ready for hardly any of them. Neither of us had even a small inkling of how far-reaching the effects of my surgery would be. If someone would have told us we'd separate 18 months after this photo was taken, we would have laughed at them.

But here we are. We celebrated our anniversary by moving more of my stuff from the apartment back to the house. I officially gave notice to the landlord when I paid the September rent. The separation is over. We managed to weather it all and still find each other in the midst of finding ourselves.

We're lucky. I know. I wish I had a picture of us today. Together.

By definition

I wonder when my universe will stop revolving around the fact that I've lost this huge amount of weight in a short period of time.

Will I ever be--or can I ever be--just Jen? If I had lost the weight through conventional dieting, I suppose some day I'd just be a thin version of me. But because I had my innards reorganized and permanently altered, will I always be a gastric bypass patient?

Right now it's still easy to let it define my life. I have different eating habits and different nutritionals requirements because of it. It keeps me set apart from people in some ways.

But I'm at this point now where I'd like to let it start taking the back seat at family gatherings and in conversations with friends. I could just be me and worry about the last 10 pounds to lose like every other American woman.

Sometimes, though, I worry that I need the definition. What if there's nothing special enough about me to set me apart from people other than the surgery? What if it really is the only thing that makes me interesting?

We wear these labels around our lives. Some times they get slapped on us, some times we paste them on ourselves. I think they're probably like bumper stickers...they stick on us, making statements, getting all grimy and tattered, until we get up off our asses and peel them off ourselves. So what do you do then with the suddenly clean spot where the old one was? Stick on another?