Today

Today, I feel really good. I like how I look in the clothes I'm wearing. I like how my hair falls and how the color of my lipstick against my skin is striking. I like how my head feels clear and my mind is not weighed down. My life is good. I don't remember ever feeling like this when I weighed 317 pounds.

One Year Anniversary

I realized this morning that for the entire last year, I have weighed under 200 pounds. Since the beginning of April 2006, I have not tipped the scale at any weight higher than 198. And I have been averaging 30 pounds below that since the end of July.

I think this is the longest stretch of maintained weight loss I have ever experienced. I've dropped weight before, but the scale has always started to climb back up within 6 months of my lowest weight. I am now 8 months since that low point and the weight really only fluctuates within 5 pounds. For me, that's quite an accomplishment and easily (and logicially) explained by normal woman things (and bunny cake.)

Back from the land of no return

Whew. I am shopped out. I spent a couple days in SCHAUMBURG, IL, working my way from one shopping oasis to the next. I loaded up on spring/summer apparel appropriate for the workplace, pierced my upper ear, ate in a restaurant by myself (something I've NEVER done) and managed to spend less money that I thought I would.

I really focused the shopping on coordinating clothes that will work well for travel. And, I purposefully stayed away from casual attire. Unfortunately, I shouldn't have been so steadfast. Today, it's pushing 80 in Milwaukee and I have NO SUMMER CLOTHES for relaxing. At the end of last summer, I gave away all my shorts and casual crops, as well as sandals, because everything was too big.

I found a pair of capris that someone gave me that I had shoved in the bottom of my pajama drawer. They'll have to do. When I did stop today to try on shorts, I was a bit horrified by the chicken legs on which my belly skin rolls rest. Egads. I don't think I'm quite up to shorts yet. And no tank tops this summer.

Last year I thought I was looking pretty good--compared to the 140+ pounds I had been sporting the previous summer. But this year, my skin is pretty loose and hangs in frightening ripples off my appendages and middle. Another summer of adjustment for sure.

Could it work?

I woke up at 5:30 this morning--much earlier than I wanted to. I turned on the TV and started flipping. I'm a sucker for infomercials. I love the cadence and timing of the presentations and the marketing science they use to sell whatever it is they think will change someone's life. What I found this morning was 7 Shapely Secrets.

I was intrigued by the normal looking women they used for their testimonials and they realistic results they presented. But mostly, I want to know how the heck I can stand still for 7 minutes and lose inches.

I am seriously considering spend the bucks to get this because the curiosity is killing me. Should I do it? Maybe I can find a used thing on ebay.

Bigger, though, than the promise of easy exercise was my early morning realization that I will likely never, ever stop worrying about losing weight, inches or dress sizes. I will always be looking for a way to keep what I've got. I thought that the surgery was going to free me from that. Nope. I think I'm going to have to work a lot harder than I ever thought. Maybe that's why Shapely Secrets sounds so enticing.

Guess where I am?

I'm not in Wisconsin. I'm in a hotel room. I went shopping at a Meijers. I bought a pair of shoes from Filene's Basement.

I am LOVING my day away! Tomorrow, it's full throttle through the BIG ASS mall. Ok, the BIG ASS mall in this state.

Hey to all the people linking to me from that site that called me morally superior. Damn. That's the first time I've been called that. It's about time someone realizes it. Ha!

And for the record, I'm now BELOW the pre-bunny cake binge. Who knows if it will hold, but it's making me happy.

This weekend

I am but 48 hours away from a 4-day weekend with no plans, no commitments, no clue. I'm debating whether I hang out at home, laze on the couch and catch up on TV. Or do I hop on a plane for a weekend adventure? Maybe drive toward Chicago for a few days of shopping? Head over to Madison to check out State Street?

I've been looking forward to this weekend since the start of my big project before Christmas. I've got the vacation time. Now what to do with it.

If you're interested in me coming to you for a one-on-one consultation regarding my Hot Fat 4 Sale successes and failures, I could be bought. Name your price. If I can fly on Midwest to your destination, I'll cut you a deal. And you've got to be fun. No fun, no fat. Sorry.

Dreaming in Moderation

I woke up at 2 a.m. from an unusual dream. I was walking/riding a bike to a convenience store. When I got there, I saw cases and cases of junk food, sodas, hot dogs, popcorn, cheetos--all kinds of things I really, really wanted to eat. But I walked around the store and carefully looked over everything, then grabbed two pieces of pizza from a personal pan pizza and a bottle of water. When the guy rang me up, he told me I could get a 12" pizza for the same price as my two little pieces and I'd also get a free Coke. I told him no thanks, paid $6.95 and walked out (to find that my bike had been stolen).

That's the first time I ever made good eating choices in my dreams. Usually my food dreams are about gorging and binging and hiding food of all evil, decadent and delicious sorts. I wake up from those dreams sad that I couldn't really have the food. Disappointed. Angry.

But I woke from this dream last night just thirsty. A bottle of water and a pack of apple juice flavoring solved that problem. I slept soundly until 5:53, dreaming only of my friend Wonder Wendy and a home worth $3.9 million dollars. Now that made me sad and envious.

one week later

I am still 4 pounds above my pre-Easter binge weight. I really didn't make it all week without looking at the scale. I couldn't. I'm weak. But at least some of that weight came off. And I'm resolved to work at taking off the rest. I can't really beat myself up over it. I'm taking this as warning sign of future failures to come if I don't change my ways. I can and I will.

Dynamic Duo

A couple photos from my weekend trip to Chicago a few weeks ago. Jeffrey and I met up for lunch and window shopping in a neighborhood we used to frequent together as college students. A wonderful, relaxing afternoon with a dear friend!

Jeffrey & Jennifer

Jeffy-Poo-Poo & Jenny-Wee-Wee

drunk blogging

hey, i'm drunk. it's 7:089 on thursday night and it has venn a crapy week. really crappy. but my big project is done. done. done.done. and now i'm celebrating with a big ass glass of gewurztraminer wine that is DE-LISH-US. (how's my typing so far?)

I'be got on some show from monday called thand kod your'e here and it's hilarious. my faobrite phrase so far: porthole of possiblity. YES! the world is filled with them and I'm ready to see the portho9les. not assholes. lots of them too byt I'd hr=ther have POSIBILITIES.

this is what happens when yoru pouch is on wine. good winel, byt he way. and pacvil. goos drugs.

wait


i drunk dialed dyan my firend who never reads my blog so i could tqalk about her if I waned to but I don't want to because I really like her. but not int hat way. inthe friend kind of way that bakes her a good person to have in y life. she's a gaillsion years younger than me but age is irrevlentat. right?

did you see some f the changes I've been trying out on my blog? the new dsignes? the new colro" iwant to ge t away from the black with wite, but I havn't foudn trhe right combo yet.

and for iddner I made tofu with chilir oil and sunflower seeds and some parmesan cheese. it's the first time i ever made togu and it fas pretty good. but the win is better.,

ok by now aj;oef

THE MORNING AFTER...
No headache, feeling well rested. And I'm not changing all the typos, even though I feel compelled to do so.

Finally

The bunny cake...















...and the wonderful grandma who made it!

Paris

I've booked my trip to Paris in July. We're staying at the Westin and flying British Airways. Now it's on to planning our excursions and days about the city.

Horoscope

April 10, 2007 -- You may be worried about taking a risk but you know it must be done if you are to break out of the ranks of the also-rans and become a real mover and shaker. Most importantly today, and every day from now on, you must expect more of yourself. Anything less than excellence is not good enough.

it doesn't lie

I'm serious about the weight gain. How do I go from 167 all last week to 174 yesterday and today? Dagny made a good point below--there's no way I could have consumed enough calories to gain that weight. And I'm not constipated, retaining water, premenstrual or anything like that. I weighed myself on two scales and they both said the same thing. This is a horrible, horrible feeling. It's like I'm back to the old me, watching the scale creep up. I cannot surrender to it. I would rather die than regain that weight. I feel like my world's been shaken up. I'm going to stay off the scale until Saturday. Keep on my eating plan. Watch the coffee drinks. Be a good girl. I'd rather be a good girl than a fat girl again.

keeping track

In my mouth as of 4 p.m. CST:

water
1 hard-boiled egg (80) breakfast
1 SF hot chocolate (25)
water
1 protein shake (200) morning snack
1 red pepper (50)lunch/snack
4 tbs. fat-free ranch dip (60) lunch/afternoon snack
2 tbs. peanut butter (180)afternoon snack
water
2 cups baby spinach, 1 oz feta, 2 oz chicken, 2 tbsp almonds and cranberries for dinner (350)
1 ounce cheese snack (100)
2 tbsp peanut butter snack (180)

Bunny of Death

I ate too much cake. And cookies. And candy. And bread.

As of this morning, I gained 6 pounds. I'm praying it's water weight from the salty ham. But I wouldn't be suprised if it was just my own unfettered binge.

I'll post bunny cake pictures and a video later today.

Doing the protein purge

I am detoxing from crackers--again. So yesterday was a protein load. A double whammy protein shake in the morning, a protein bar, chicken for lunch and dinner, peanuts as my salty snack. And my protein coffee. Today, another double whammy shake and protein coffee. Lunch, more chicken and edamame. Dinner, probably the same. I brought an apple for a snack as my crunch fix.

If I feel so much better when I DON'T eat the crack(ers), then why do I do it? Tell me!

Here comes Peter Cottontail

My Grandma's gonna make me a bunny cake.

When we were kids, my Grandma Toots made that coconut-covered bunny head cake all decked out with jelly beans and licorice whips. She colored the coconut for the bow tie and the ears, sliced and diced slabs of yellow cake and arranged it all neatly on a board covered with aluminum foil. I always wanted a piece of the ear.

This is the first year in ages that my grandparents will be home for Easter--and the first year in a while that I'll be spending Easter with the family. My nieces have never even had Easter with their great-grandparents.

So I figured it was worth putting on my best little girl pout and turning on the charm to ask Grandma to make me a bunny cake. And she said yes. I promised her I'd even have a piece.

I'm sure the memory of eating the cake will be even sweeter than an actual bite. But there's something that's making me all giggly and happy inside knowing that my Grandma would rummage through years and years of recipes to find the original Pillsbury instruction for laying out the bunny cake just so she could make it for me.